


Old Habits

by Exaggerated_Specificity



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Anal Fingering, Barebacking, Bottom Eddie Kaspbrak, Broken Promises, Consensual Underage Sex, Dirty Talk, Divergent Timelines, Estrangement, First Time, Hand Jobs, Horny Teenagers, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Smoking, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Teenage Losers Club (IT), Top Richie Tozier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 15:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21101879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exaggerated_Specificity/pseuds/Exaggerated_Specificity
Summary: Successful stand-up comedian Richie Tozier gets some unexpected news that takes him back to his hometown of Derry, Maine for the first time in 18 years.There is a Spotify playlist that accompanies this storyHERE.Tumblr post / aestheticHEREGorgeous artwork I commissioned fromHaflackyis onTumblrandInstagram





	Old Habits

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jameee25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jameee25/gifts), [spitroasting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spitroasting/gifts).

> Important Age Note: characters are aged up 10 years from the movie timeline, Eddie and Richie were both born in 1986 for the purposes of this AU. Richie is sixteen and Eddie is fifteen when they have sex for the first time.
> 
> Thank you to my twin soul [jameee25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jameee25) for making this particular descent into madness tolerable. Thank you for your encouragement, love, and humor now and through all our past and future fixations. You're he Trashmouth to my Germophobe, babe. 
> 
> Massive gratitude to my beloved [saltandbyrne ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltandbyrne/pseuds/saltandbyrne) for being such a fantastic beta reader and friend. I don't know what I'd do without you, Salt. Thanks for putting up with my dumpster fire fixations! 
> 
> Hugs and filthy kisses also to [spitroasting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spitroasting/profile) for the inspo and cheerleading on Twitter.

**Chapter 1 ~ October 2019**

_“Hey, Rich. It’s Mike. Been a while. Just, uh, call me when you get a sec, okay? I know you’re busy with the tour and all – I really dug the new Netflix special, by the way – and normally you know I’d just shoot you a text or whatever but this is important. It’s about Eddie. Call me. Oh and, Richie, he – Eddie’s okay, I mean, he’s not hurt or anything. I realize the way I said that it sounded like... Yeah. Just… Just call me back.”_

Richie Tozier was on a 10:40 redeye from LaGuardia to LAX when his old friend Mike Hanlon left his rambling message. He didn’t bother to check his voicemail until he was nursing a migraine in the back of a Lincoln Town Car, heading home on the 405. Richie was exhausted from weeks on the road and ready to get back to the solitude of his gated community in Thousand Oaks for a few days, but Mike’s message immediately pulled him out of his malaise. He’d nearly swallowed his tongue when Mike had said Eddie’s name.

Richie called Mike back as quickly as his shaky fingers would allow. Momentarily, the throbbing in his temples faded, taking a backseat to the jack rabbit heartbeat thrumming in his chest. Maybe it was the panic in Richie’s voice but, despite it being well past 4am in Maine, Mike didn’t hesitate to fill Richie in on what he knew. 

Sonia Kaspbrak had died. Eddie Kaspbrak’s relentlessly overbearing mother had passed away peacefully at her home in Derry. She was 63 years old.

“Her heart…” Mike explained.

“Yeah,” was all Richie could manage in response, cringing as he pushed his glasses up into his hair and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. He’d made so many jokes at Ms. Kaspbrak’s expense when they were young. He wished he could take every single one of them back, if only for Eddie’s sake.

Mike said Eddie was Sonia’s only living family so, of course, he would be on his way back to Maine to make arrangements. Mike hadn’t spoken to Eddie directly but Jimmy MacCoubrey from the funeral home had asked Mike, Derry’s resident historian, to review her obituary. Apparently Eddie hadn’t been much help on that front and was, in Jimmy’s words, ‘extremely distraught’ when they’d talked about transportation of his mother’s body to the funeral home and tentative plans for her service.

“How the fuck else was he supposed to react? His fucking mom died.”

Richie was so wound up that he felt one of his crowns shift. He massaged his cheek as he let the tension out of his jaw. He wondered absently if that was a normal reaction to have over someone he hadn’t seen since he was fifteen years old. 

He knew the answer, though. Richie hadn’t even talked to his therapist about Eddie.

Mike asked a few too many times if Richie was all right, only letting him go once Richie promised to call back after he’d booked a flight. As soon as they hung up, Mike texted a link to the obituary and details on the funeral service without even asking Richie if he needed it. It was unspoken that Richie would come back for this. For Eds.

A deep, slow-throbbing wound began to open up again in Richie’s chest. He leaned forward and rapped his fist on the partition separating him from the driver.

“Sorry, man. I need you to take me back to the airport.” 

-<>-

When Sonia was buried that rainy October Thursday, Richie had made it back to Derry, but still hadn’t scrounged up the nerve to go see Eddie yet. He felt incredibly shitty about it, for what it was worth. Hell, he hadn’t even visited Mike despite texting him his flight info from LAX. At least Richie knew that Mike would understand. With Eddie it was more complicated.

The first few weeks of fall had been unusually warm so the grassy, rolling hills of the Providence Memorial Cemetery were still a florid green against the hazy grey day. Rich kept his distance, attempting to shield himself from the intermittent drizzle under a sprawling maple whose leaves were just starting to show hints of their autumn fire. The small scattering of mourners around the Kaspbrak plot huddled under their umbrellas, paying no attention to the tall doofus with steamed up glasses looking on helplessly from the hillside.

Richie felt weirdly selfish showing up at all. He wasn’t supporting Eddie watching from a distance like a creep, keeping a nearly tangible barrier between himself and the reality of Ed’s pain. As if Richie had ever figured out any other way to cope with big feelings. He’d never really even dealt with the death of his own mother, if he was honest. His therapist would be proud of his self-awareness in the midst of all this brooding.

He couldn’t hear what the priest was saying from this distance and he was grateful for it. Watching Ed stand pale and stock-still next to his father’s headstone had been enough to make the big ball of guilt that had been festering in his belly ever since he heard the news about Ms. Kaspbrak go malignant.

“Stop being such a fucking pussy, Richie,” he huffed, the drizzle muffling his words. He balled his fists, swallowed the massive lump in his throat, and promised himself that he’d go see Ed the next day.

Richie stayed at his little outpost overlooking the gravesite until they’d lowered Ms. K into the ground and Eddie shoveled the first scoop of rocky Derry soil down over her flower-crested coffin. Richie couldn’t see the details of Eddie’s face through the rain but he could see that he was alone in his grief.

-<>-

Richie headed back to the hotel and by early evening managed to pull himself out of his well of self-loathing long enough to text Mike and make dinner plans. He swung by Jade of the Orient for two cups of hot and sour soup and an order of Kung Pao Triple with fried rice before heading to the library.

Mike was a warm, reassuring light and the company had made Richie feel more like a whole human being again. By the time they were done with dinner it was as if no time had passed between them. Still, Rich could tell Mike was concerned, he could feel his old friend’s eyes on him and everything not being said started to swell up and fill the space, creeping into the pauses in their conversation.

“You’re not the only one who lost touch with everybody, you know?” Mike said as they munched on the big handful of fortune cookies the hostess had shoved into the bag alongside their order. “I know I’m the only one who really kept up with everyone. Guess I’m weird like that.”

Mike Hanlon was the only way Richie had maintained any sort of connection with Derry and the friends he left behind. Thing was, Mike always made the effort and he had never judged Richie for pulling away.

“I wish I had…” Richie said, sounding a little more wistful than he intended to.

“No, you don’t,” Mike punted back, giving Richie a knowing grin that faded swiftly once he read Richie’s wounded expression.

“It’s normal, dude,” Mike said reassuringly. “People grow up, they grow apart. They go off and find their own way in the world. It doesn’t mean that we don’t still care. Every single one of us has just been out there living life. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve got more to be proud of than a lot of folks, Richie, and I’m happy to still call you my friend.”

“Thanks, Mike,” Richie said, breaking eye contact and taking a swig off his second Heineken. “It’s been, what, eighteen years since I moved away from Derry? You and I have met up, like, four, maybe five times since? You’re a good friend, Mike, but you can’t convince me that I’ve been one in return. I’m a selfish motherfucker. Why do you think I’m still single?”

Richie’s attempt at levity fell flat, truth weighing the joke down like a lead balloon.

“It’s not your fault, Rich. You moved away, it’s –”

“This is my fault,” Richie said flatly. He stood up, raking a hand through his hair and walking toward the stairs. “I’m gonna go get some air, man.”

Eddie. Eddie was Rich’s fault. Letting Eddie go was one of the biggest regrets of his entire life and now maybe Rich had to stop running from it. He reached the stairs just as tears started prickling his tear ducts.

“Richie.” Mike clasped his hand reassuringly over Richie’s shoulder, pulling him into a hug. “No matter what happened or how long it’s been, he is going to be really fucking happy to see you.”

~~~

**Chapter 2 ~ August 2001**

“Guys, guys, goddamnit, I’m freaking the fuck out!”

Richie raked shaky hands through his tangled mop of hair as he stalked across the clubhouse floor, kicking up puffs of dust where his worn Chucks shuffled across the dirt. Richie’s friends all stared at him in quiet panic waiting for the Trashmouth to drop his bomb.

“My dad, he’s been talking about opening a – a private practice, you know? Like a new office, new staff, and equipment. All state of the art and shit.” Rich was aware he was going a mile a minute. “I don’t know, like, he’s always going to these dental conferences, comes back with all these plans and ideas or whatever. So, anyway, this morning, he’s still at the fucking house when I get up. It’s like nine forty-five and there he is, just sitting at the kitchen table drinking his tea, lookin’ at me like it’s normal as anything!”

“Woah, woah, Richie, wait up,” Eddie interrupted, “your dad drinks… tea?” Eddie’s voice cracked a little before he snorted out a laugh.

“Yeah, yeah he fucking does, dude!” Richie scoffed, glaring at Ed. “Shut the fuck up. Don’t you know coffee stains your teeth? How’d that look? A fucking dentist with gross, brown coffee teeth? Christ, you’d think ‘mommy’ would be just as interested in the health of your pearly whites as she is with the rest of ya!”

Eddie rolled his eyes indignantly and kicked in Richie’s general direction from the hammock. He missed only because Richie was still pacing an actual track into the clubhouse floor. Richie paused and shook his head, staring off into the middle-distance as he remembered how goddamn surreal his morning had been.

“It all happened so fast… My mom, she puts a plate of pancakes down in front of me -- pancakes in the middle of the week, like that’s not weird as fuck! Then she sits down next to my dad, smiling. I mean they’d clearly been planning this whole thing, you know?”

He could feel the tears threatening to come but he kept pacing, he had to get this out.

“They start talking about Phoenix. Fucking Phoenix, Arizona! All, ‘don’t worry, Richie, there’s central air’ and ‘it won’t be that hot’ and then my mom says something about fucking private school?! She says ‘hadn’t I always talked about how much I hate this shitty town’ and goddamn, guys, FUCK! I can’t fucking believe it. We’re moving. In, like, two weeks. Before school starts. Moving to the goddamn desert.”

“WHAT!?”

Richie spun on his heels at Eddie’s high-pitched shriek, watching in helpless amazement as Eddie tumbled out of the hammock and crashed face-first to the floor with a loud THUD. Bev and Stan both scurried to Eddie’s side to help him get back on his feet. They dusted him off, checked him for injuries, both asking if he was okay – like Richie should have – but he was frozen, paralyzed by the angry tears that were silently slipping down Eddie’s dusty face.

God bless Bill Denbrough. He swiftly crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Richie in a firm and silent hug. Ben joined them. Then Mike. Then they were all there, embracing Richie, holding one another in a strange kind of quiet strength.

Bill and Mike and Ben and Bev and Stan and Eddie. Eddie. His Eddie Spaghetti, the cutest kid he’d ever seen, looking at Richie with those beautiful, brown puppy-dog eyes that had so much hurt and pain in them it took Richie’s breath away.

Richie’s tears started to flow then, too. He crumpled into the arms of his friends, sobbing into Bill’s shoulder.

He may have hated Derry, but he loved The Losers.

~~~

**Chapter 3 ~ October 2019**

Just past ten, showered and freshly shaven, Richie bought a box of powdered sugar donuts, two cups of coffee, a lighter, and a pack of Camels from the 7-Eleven out by the Holiday Inn where he was staying. The sun had burned away the clouds and the sky was bright blue. The cheery day wasn’t doing a fucking thing for his mood.

He drove into Derry proper, nonetheless, winding his way through the residential streets but avoiding his actual destination as he tried to plan what he was going to say to Eddie. It wasn’t going well. Car rental cleaning fee be damned, he rolled down the window and lit his first cigarette in at least two years. 

“Hiya, Eds. Remember me? Sorry about your mom. Are you doing okay? Did you ever settle down with, what’s her name, Myra? Mike told me you were gonna tie the knot a few years back. Congratulations! Anyway, it really sucks how I moved away, huh? Oh and super sorry I never made any real effort to stay in touch even though a single day hasn’t gone by when I don’t miss you like fucking crazy. If it makes you feel any better I’m a selfish, emotionally constipated prick who can’t make any real sort of commitment to anyone so you haven’t been missing out on much!”

He ended up drinking both cups of coffee and smoking three more butts before resigning himself to parking in the shade along the back of Memorial Park. He ran through all the different ways this was going to blow up in his face until it was a quarter past eleven and the car was baking in the high, bright sun.

He started the car again and cranked the AC, thinking of what Mike had said to him the night before. 

“You’re overthinking this, Richie. Just go! The rest will just happen.”

Maybe it was because, deep down, Richie knew ‘Mr. Relentless Optimism’ was right or maybe it was just because he ran out of excuses and was feeling lightheaded and jittery from his balanced breakfast of cigarettes and coffee. Either way, Richie finally found himself parked in front of Ms. K’s house, biting into a piece of cinnamon Nicorette, and repeating Mike’s words in his head like a mantra.

Just go. The rest will just happen.

At ten ‘til noon, stomach in knots and the unopened box of donuts abandoned on the passenger seat, Richie walked up to the door and rang the buzzer.

~~~

**Chapter 4 ~ August, 2001**

The light fading outside was a solemn reminder that summer was fading, too. Their last summer together as a tight-knit little family of outcasts. 

They all seemed to find a few kind words to say to Richie after he told them he was moving, reassurances and promises to help soothe the pain that Richie gobbled down one by one. 

Stan promised to email Richie every day and call him at least once a week. Ben swore he would write real, actual letters, exclaiming that he had always wanted a pen pal. Mike offered to send a Derry care package once Richie was settled. Bev said she’d come visit on a layover the next time she went to see her aunt in Portland. Bill said something truly wise and poignant about friendship but still managed to make Richie laugh like he always could and he hugged Richie tightly again. 

Through all that love and support, Eddie’s taut silence was the loudest voice of all. Richie felt hollowed out by it, he couldn’t even look at Eddie or he was sure he’d start crying again. He was going to miss every single one of his friends but with Eddie it hurt a whole lot more. When Richie thought about not being able to see Eddie every day it left him with a sharp, breathless ache like someone was tugging at the root of his soul and trying to tear part of it away.

It was getting late so, one by one, the Losers peeled off, quiet and gentle as they made their excuses to go. Riche understood, but home was the last place he wanted to be in that moment. He was so angry with his parents that it felt impossible to imagine ever forgiving them for this. Moving right before Richie and his friends all started sophomore year was cruel and unusual punishment.

Richie did his best to wipe the streaks of dried tears off his glasses using the corner of his Ramones t-shirt, swallowing the lump in his throat before finally forcing himself to look across the rapidly dimming space toward Eddie, the only one who hadn’t climbed up out of their hideout and into the cicada-song evening.

“Eds?” Richie’s voice was so soft and hoarse he’d just claim he said ‘Ed’ if he got called out about the nickname. 

Eddie sat rigidly on the edge of the creaky futon they rescued from where it had been illegally dumped out off of Old Lyme street at the beginning of the summer. A fleeting smile crossed Richie’s face as he remembered the effort it had taken them to get it to the clubhouse. He wanted desperately to get up out of his lawn chair and cross the room to join Eddie on it but he was… afraid.

“It’s getting dark,” Richie said, a little louder this time, rubbing his clammy palms off on his cutoffs. “I’ll ride home with you? If you want.” 

Eddie didn’t reply. He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands.

“Eddie, I –” A million unspoken words piled up on Richie’s tongue. They backed up into his throat, pooling in his guts, clawing at his insides with their desire to see the light of day, but he couldn’t make them flow. He took a deep breath and thought about how little time they had left, about all the things he was too much of a pussy to say out loud.

“Remember that time,” Eddie said softly, his voice muffled by the cradle of his hands. “It was... 7th grade, I think? Belch stole my inhaler during P.E. and chucked it into one of those big, nasty dumpsters out behind the cafeteria? It was, like, two periods after lunch and about ninety degrees outside. I about puked from the smell of chocolate-milk-soaked pepperoni pizza rotting in the sun before we ever even got inside to look for it.”

Eddie sat up a little then and looked at Richie. It was the kind of look that made Richie feel like he could remember every moment they’d ever spent together all at once, his heart aching with Eddie’s red, wet eyes on him like that.

“I - I could’ve just gotten a new one at the pharmacy after school, but Coach Thompson said we still had to run our mile and you knew how bad my asthma had been... so you just jumped in. Jumped right the fuck in that big, disgusting dumpster and dug around in that slop to help find it for me.”

Eddie’s voice wavered at the end and he cast his eyes down for a moment, staring into the dirt, his hands coming up to brace his temples.

“You didn’t even think twice, Richie. Didn’t complain. Richie fucking Tozier not complaining! That’s, like, unheard of but – for me? For me, you just… did it. You’re always looking out for me, like that, you know? No one else would do that for me, Richie. No one. Not Stan, not Ben, not even Bill.”

“That’s not true, Eddie, we all take care of each other, we all –“

“No, Richie, it’s different. It is. You know it is.” Eddie cut him off, eyes locked on Richie through the velvety purple haze. “There’s a hundred other times like that -- just like that -- where you don’t even think about it, you just stick your neck out for me. What… W-what am I gonna do when you -” Eddie sobbed, turning his face away from Richie, his fists balled up where they were resting on his jittery knees.

“Well yeah, ya’ doofus!” Richie said, finding his courage in the face of Eddie’s hurt and crossing the room to sit down next to him. “You’re my best fuckin’ friend–”

That was when the entire planet came to a screeching halt, right there on its axis. Eddie was suddenly an inch away from Richie’s face, hands tugging at his collar to pull him close before obliterating the word ‘friend’ from his mouth with his hot, wet little tongue.

Despite the shock, Richie eagerly kissed back and Eddie looped his arms around his neck, grunting softly into Richie’s mouth. Eddie tasted even better than Richie could have imagined, like tears and green saltwater taffy.

Eddie pulled back, panting softly. “Stan’s your best friend, Richie.” His lips shone wet in the faint light from the little camping lantern that Bill had hung up near the ladder. 

“Yeah? Then what’s that make you, Eds?”

Richie didn’t want an answer. He was the one that went in for the kiss that time, his hand cradling the back of Eddie’s head as he licked into his mouth. It was admittedly a little awkward and messy at first but as the kiss deepened and their bodies twined together on the futon, Richie felt like he was letting out a breath he’d been holding in for far too long. It felt like getting to the best part. It felt like finally.

Eddie’s hands seemed like they couldn’t stay still. They snaked up under Richie’s shirt and down the front of his cargo shorts, skittering over his skin with such self-assured insistence that Richie was a rock-hard, shaking mess before he’d even shimmied Eddie’s shirt up over his head.

Eddie unzipped his shorts before pushing Richie back lengthwise on the futon, climbing up between Richie’s spread thighs, and kissing a wet little path up the center of his chest. After sealing their mouths again, he rocked their hips together, and Richie nearly lost it from the friction.

Richie tried to help with their clothing problem and pull his own shirt off but settled for just rucking it up to his armpits so he could feel Eddie’s torso plastered to his own. He tried to fumble with his fly, tried slipping his hand down the front of Eddie’s skivvies but his stupid hands felt too big and awkward to do anything but paw at Eddie.

“Eds, I-I’m gonna,” Richie gasped, gripping at Eddie’s upper arms out of desperation.

“Wait, wait, not yet, I wanna,” Eddie panted, looking at Richie like a hungry fox, wild eyed and wet lipped. He got them both out, Richie’s shorts and boxers shoved down so his dick was plastered to his happy trail and Eddie pulled up past the band of his pale blue briefs. Eddie pushed up to make some space between, licked his palm, and wrapped his hand around both their shafts as best he could.

Richie came so quickly it had to be some kind of record. He reached up and pulled Eddie down onto him as it happened, shoving his tongue back into Eddie’s mouth to muffle the embarrassing wail that came out of his throat. His cock twitched where it was trapped between them, come spilling all over Eddie’s fingers and splattering onto his own belly. Eddie’s hand twisted clumsily around them but it was too slick a mess for him to keep an even grip.

Richie may have been a wreck but his hand found Eddie’s dick, tugging it gracelessly, yet effectively, until he came, too. Their kisses slowed and their messy hands picked up clubhouse dust as they clung to one another on that musty old futon in the middle of the Losers’ secret lair.

Richie laid there with Eddie stretched out on top of him until he was sure the sirens he heard faintly in the distance were the cops coming to look for them.

“Your mom’s gonna be so pissed, Eds.” 

“I don’t care,” Eddie sighed, squeezing Rich tight. “Wouldn’t be the first time I broke her stupid curfew.”

Richie hugged Eddie back, closing his eyes and nuzzling into his hair. He smelled like the woods, like summer sweat, and a little like that stupid Selsun Blue shampoo Eddie’s mom had him convinced he needed. Like clubhouse dirt and popcorn butter from hanging around too long in the theater lobby arcade waiting for Rich and Bill to finish their last round of Street Fighter. He smelled like everything Richie was about to lose.

“I don’t really feel like being alone right now,” Richie said carefully. “You... wanna come over? We can get cleaned up and… maybe you can stay the night? I – I’m sure my mom won’t mind, she’ll be happy to call your mom if you need her to, like she used to when we were younger. If you want. If that’s not – I mean if that’s too weird or whatever – it’s fine if not – I just thought...”

“Beep, beep, Richie,” Eddie said, pressing a soft kiss to Richie’s collarbone. “Of course I want to.”

“Okay, that’s – yeah. Yeah. Okay, Eds.”

Richie helped Eddie up and they pulled themselves together as best they could. Neither one grumbled a single complaint about their rumpled, stained clothes. The smile on Richie’s face was so wide it hurt as he pulled Eddie toward the clubhouse ladder and out into the warm, Derry night.

-<>-

Eddie’s mom didn’t go for the sleepover. By the time Eddie finally called her from Richie’s kitchen he was hours later than expected and she gave him an earful. Richie could hear Eddie’s half of their whisper-fight and was proud to hear him standing up for himself even if he didn’t get his way. Richie smiled to himself, floating in emotionally exhausted, blissful disbelief, running his fingers over his bottom lip. Eddie had gotten so brave.

Turned out Ms. K wasn’t all that angry, just worried. In fact, she told Eddie she was going to her bridge club meeting over in Pittsfield the following night and wouldn’t be back until late. She went so far as to tell Eddie that Richie was welcome to stay over as long as they promised to be indoors before it got dark. Richie really didn’t see that being a problem. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest just thinking about it. 

He waited outside with Eddie for her to drive over and pick him up, their freshly washed fingers twined together on the porch swing.

“You’re too quiet...” Eddie said, bumping his knee against Richie’s and squeezing in even closer so they were pressed together as tightly as possible on the rickety wicker swing.

“It’s ‘cause I can’t stop smiling.” Richie was glad it was too dark for Eddie to see his dopey grin. Richie knew he should still be upset about moving but the butterflies in his stomach were blurring the worry for now.

“Are you gonna be okay tonight, Richie?”

“Yeah, I... feel a whole lot better than I did this morning,” Richie said before pressing a kiss to the side of Eddie’s neck, just under his ear. 

The way Eddie’s body vibrated in response thrilled Richie beyond belief. The looming specter of his move to Phoenix could wait because in that moment all he could think about was the boy next to him, the boy who’d had Richie’s frightened heart in the palm of his hand for as long as he could remember.

“I’m, uh, supposed to help Stan with his Calc homework tomorrow but I can come over right after. Still can’t believe his parents made him take all those summer AP classes, fucking sucks.”

“Here she comes,” Eddie said, squeezing Richie’s hand as Ms. K’s headlights swung into view at the end of the street.

They didn’t risk kissing again, even though Richie really wanted to. 

“You can tell Stan, if you want,” Eddie said, grinning back at him before going down the porch steps. “But if you do, it means I’m your boyfriend.”

~~~

**Chapter 5 ~ October 2019**

Richie knew Eddie was there. A sleek black sedan with tinted windows and New York plates was parked in the Kaspbrak driveway but Richie had to ring the doorbell two more times before he heard movement inside. His jaw hurt from how vigorously he’d been chewing his nicotine gum and he was sweating despite the shade of the porch. He was about to start pacing when Eddie finally opened the door.

“…Richie?”

Eddie Kaspbrak. His Eddie. Standing only a few feet in front of Richie for the first time in nearly two decades. Every word Richie had practiced in his head earlier evaporated in an instant.

“Hi, Eddie. It’s been a while.” Richie swallowed hard. “You look fuckin’ great.” 

Jesus. Classy, Richie. The truth was that Eddie looked like a guy who’d just lost his mom. Rumpled clothes, five o’clock shadow, bleary eyes that were bloodshot from days of crying.

Eddie squinted at Richie, blinking like his eyes were still adjusting to the light, maybe still not believing what he was seeing. Then, his dimples flashed youthful and sweet as the briefest of smiles flickered across his face.

Richie couldn’t help but smile back, his stomach swooping, heart thumping so fast he could feel it throbbing in his temples.

“Wha – What are you doin’ here, Rich?” The question wasn’t an angry one. Eddie sounded baffled more than anything, his voice suffused with awe, like Richie Tozier was literally the last person he’d expected to see in a million years.

“I heard… I mean, Mike told me – he… God, I – I’m so, so sorry about your mom, Eddie.”

Richie didn’t really think about it, his body just moved instinctively, and before he realized it he was practically scooping Eddie up into his arms in a heartfelt embrace. If he hadn’t hugged him Richie would probably have just crumpled to the floor under the weight of his feelings.

Eddie’s arms were a little slower to reciprocate but he did hug Richie back, taking a deep, shaky breath that Richie felt in his guts. They stood there for a solid minute, just hugging and breathing, before Eddie stepped back gently out of Richie’s embrace.

“Thanks, Richie. I –” Eddie really looked at him then, his eyes soft and wet, and they were filled with questions, with hurt. “Fuck.” He shook his head, eyes tilting up like he was trying to pull back a wave of stronger tears, stepping back a little more without really budging from the doorway. 

“It’s really good to see you,” Richie said, reaching out with a shaky hand and nearly cupping the side of Eddie’s face, the way he always had when they were young. He faltered and let his hand fall gently to Eddie’s shoulder instead, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s good to see you too, man.” Eddie met Richie’s eyes, chewing at his bottom lip. “It’s just I… I really didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

There’s no animosity in the words, just a statement of fact, but it still felt like a punch in the gut. Richie shoved his hands in his pockets and took a shuddery breath, blinking away the tears that so badly want to flow.

“I know, Eddie. I know and I’m really fucking sorry. I’m –“

“Can we, uh, just go for a walk or something? It’s kinda hard for me to be here right now, actually...” Eddie glanced back into the empty shadows of the living room. Richie understood. Sonia Kaspbrak may have been gone but her fingerprints were still all over her son, even if it sounded like they had been somewhat estranged when she passed. 

“Sure, Eds, whatever you need.” Richie stepped back to give Eddie some room to join him on the stoop.

“You know I hate it when you call me that,” Eddie grumbled, sounding tired and resigned more than annoyed by the pet name as he closed the door quietly behind him. 

“Sorry, Eddie, old habits...” 

Richie had learned when to pocket his humor and give people space for their feelings when he needed to. Well, mostly. Not that he was ever really emotionally vulnerable with anyone in return. Luckily, silences weren’t awkward around Eddie, not like they had always been with everyone else. Around Eddie, that constant, frantic need Richie always had to fill the void with whatever crude comment or useless quip his lizard brain coughed up fell quiet. 

“You think it’s still there?” Eddie asked, his voice distant as he looked past Richie and down the street in the direction of the river. “The clubhouse?”

Eddie shielded his eyes from the sun with his left hand and further loosened his narrow black tie with the right. Before Rich could stutter out an answer Eddie began walking down the driveway.

Richie was plenty comfortable in his black Chucks, faded blue jeans and an understated (for Rich) navy blue, short sleeved button up embroidered with small white pineapples. Eddie had shed his suit jacket but otherwise it looked to Richie like he was still wearing the suit he had on at the funeral the day before: tie, dress shoes, and all. 

“Alright,” Richie says, shoving his hands in his pockets and following Eddie as he crossed the street. “You, uh, sure you don’t want to go in and change or something first though? I can even drive us if that’s easier.” He gestured at his rental parked in front of the mailbox.

“Nah, I didn’t bring much else to wear,” Eddie said, tucking his folded up tie into his pocket and rolling up the sleeves of his white button up. “You can’t drive to the barrens. There’s not exactly a parking lot out there, dude.”

“Fair enough,” Richie shrugged and then jogged a little to catch up.

~~~

**Chapter 6 ~ August 2001**

“Hey there, Stan the Man!” Richie realized his bravado was over the top given the circumstances but, as usual, the words were out of his mouth before he could do much about it.

“Uh, hey, Richie,” Stan answered. He sounded a little sleepy and clearly confused. “Why are you calling? I thought you were just gonna come over after breakfast.” He paused for a beat and then stumbled all over himself as he seemed to remember Richie’s revelation the night before. “I – I mean – I totally understand if you’re not feeling up for helping me study today, Rich. I’m real sorry, man. Are you okay?”

“Thanks. I’m… I dunno. I’m okay, I guess, I just… I can still come over but…”

“You sound terrible, did you sleep?”

“Yeah, of course I did, mom,” Richie teased.

The truth was Richie had slept terribly. He’d been on a rollercoaster of emotions throughout the night. He had been fully awake since around the time his dad left for work and presently he was so fucking nervous that he felt like his skeleton was going to vibrate out of his body.

“I called because…” he took a deep breath, “I guess I’m freaking out again? But, like, not because of what I told everyone last night, I mean, well I guess it really is because of that, I mean, if that hadn’t happened then I don’t think IT would have and I just don’t know what to do, Stan, I mean, I know I talk a big game, all like pussy, pussy, dick, dick, pussy or whatever but I’m out of my depth here, man, and I just need some help, I think. I guess? I mean. Eddie’s so – and I’m just so – fuck, man. I definitely need to talk.”

“Wow,” Stan says flatly. “That was… a lot. You, uh, wanna try that again at about half the speed and with at least twice the amount of punctuation, Rich?”

Richie took another shaky breath and tried to slow down the thoughts that were spinning in his head. He knew Stan would expect this to solely be about the move but right now Phoenix felt a lifetime and a million miles away. 

The most pressing thought in his mind was that he was in love. With a boy. He was in love with a boy that had been his friend since the Toziers moved to Derry when he was in the 2nd grade. And, in about six hours, Richie was going to be all alone with that boy who, it turned out, very much liked kissing him, amongst other things. He was a confusing mixture of devastatingly excited and scared shitless as a result. 

“Stanley, I – Eddie and I – we – um, we. Fuck! Stan, you’re my best friend, right?”

“Uh… yeah? I mean, of course, Rich.” Richie was also pretty sure Stan also said “fuckin’ weirdo” under his breath but Richie’s heart was beating so loud in his ear drums he couldn’t really be sure.

“Okay, so there’s, like, nothing I could do or say in the world that would change that, right?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t go that far, man, but yeah. I guess so far that’s the case.”

By that point, Richie had slid down to the floor below the telephone and had the cord wrapped so tightly around his wrist and hand that it was threatening to cut off his circulation.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Richie? You’re not making any sense. What happened?”

Richie’s wheels were spinning but the words just wouldn’t come. This same fear that had kept him from ever acting on his feelings was sinking its claws into him again and all he was trying to do was tell Stan that Eddie was his… boyfriend. Probably. Definitely. And he needed help or he was gonna screw everything up. 

“Richie, dammit, what happened with Eddie? You said Eddie’s name, right...” The annoyance in Stan’s voice rapidly faded. “Oh… Oh. Oh my god, Rich, did… Did you guys FINALLY stop being fucking idiots and –?! Holy shit, did he stay over? Did you guys…?!”

“Stanley!” Richie feels his entire face go hot, he knew from experience that he was red as a beet as a result. Thank fuck this was all happening over the phone. “We didn’t – no, no – we just… we just kissed and… stuff. But that was the first time we did anything ever and I’m staying the night over there later and I don’t know why I’m telling you this I am just –”

“Freaking the fuck out? Yeah, I bet. But, dude… This is great.”

“Wait, this isn't like a surprise to you or anything?” Richie honestly didn’t know what kind of reaction he was expecting from Stan but it certainly wasn’t this.

“Seriously? You two have been acting like a married couple since we were eleven. Honestly, we were all starting to think you two dipshits would never figure it out on your own.”

“Some best fucking friend you are! Why didn’t you tell me?

“Other people aren’t supposed to tell you when you’re in love, dummy,” Stan said as if he were suddenly some kind of romance guru. “You just feel it and it happens. Is… is that what happened?”

“Yeah, I mean… motherfucker. I’m such an idiot. I should have nutted up and said something sooner but now I’m leaving and this is all just fucking typical…”

“What matters is that you guys finally figured it out and now you can be together, right?” 

Shit, maybe Stan was kind of romance guru. 

“Are you guys gonna tell the others?” Stan asked. 

“Yeah, of course. But mostly I need to figure out how not to screw up tonight. I have no idea what I’m doing, Stan. Like, none. It’s bad.”

“You won’t. Just come over.”

-<>-

“What are we doing in your dad’s office, Stanley? I thought it was ‘forbidden.’”

“No, well, I mean he said if I wanted to get a book or something it was okay but, look, he won’t be home until later and this is the only idea I’ve got.”

“There’s a book in your dad’s office that’s gonna help me get laid?”

“No, Richie, Jesus. His new computer doesn’t have Net Nanny on it and I might have, uh, figured out the password when he and Ma were in New York for the Stern’s wedding over spring break.”

“Stan you dirty, dirty boy!” Richie couldn’t help but tease his friend, jabbing an elbow into his side. 

“Shut up, Richie. I was bored! Besides, it’s perfectly normal for boys our age to need to... Honestly, if anything, it’s way more surprising that you don’t have an entire suitcase of porno under your bed! Do you want my help or not?!” Stan huffed, crossing his arms over his chest indignantly. 

“Calm down, Stan, jeez. I’m just teasing.”

Stan grumbled and rolled his eyes, shoving past Richie to slide into his father’s leather office chair. The computer was a massive silver and black tower with a huge monitor that was perched on a black blotter in the center of Mr. Uris’s stately cherrywood desk. The old-fashioned desk and floor-to-ceiling bookshelves lining the walls made Rich feel like he was in the Derry Public Library. 

As Stan unlocked the computer and pulled up the browser, Richie felt cold sweat start prickling at his forehead. His palms were clammy and his heart started to flutter in his chest. 

“So, how clueless are you really? I mean, do you just wanna, like, watch some videos or do you need to ease into this a little? We could see if there’s instructions somewhere. Besides, how much more complicated than guy-on-girl could it be?”

As if Richie had spent much time studying that subject either. 

After Stan clicked the private browsing option he typed “HOW TO HAVE GAY SEX” in all caps into the search engine and hit ENTER. 

Richie’s stomach dropped and he steadied himself on the edge of the desk. They were about to research how to have sex so that he was ready to do it with Eddie later. It felt like the floor was falling out from under him. 

“Jesus Christ, Richie!” Stan exclaimed, pushing back the office chair as Richie started heaving his cornflakes into the waste paper basket. 

-<>-

Half an hour later, Richie was sprawled on the leather couch in Mr. Uris’s office with an ice pack on his forehead and Stanley was seated at the desk, still clicking away at his ‘research.’

“You feelin’ any better?” Stan got up and crossed to where Richie was laying.

Richie’s face was still pale and his skin was a little clammy but his heart rate felt like it was back to normal. He’d managed to not careen into a full blown panic attack. Small victories. 

“It’s getting late, are you gonna watch any of the videos I pulled up? You know, I still need your help with that calculus homework after we’re done helping you figure out how to pop Eddie’s cherry.”

“Fuck, Stanley, you don’t have to say it like that!” 

“You say worse than that in front of my parents, Richie,” Stan scoffed. He looked down at Richie and sighed, grabbing Richie’s long legs and lifting them up so he could slip under them and sit down on the couch. He let them drape back over his lap and handed Richie his glasses.

“Are you sure you’re really both ready for this? I know I was giving you a hard time earlier but it’s only ‘cause you two are so annoying all the time. But, like, with you leaving and everything, maybe it’s just more heartbreak than either of you are really ready for, you know?”

There was a long pause that Richie spent cleaning puke spots off his glasses and gnawing at his bottom lip while he mused over Stan’s words. Stan was right, he was a smart kid, so, he usually was.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be so negative. But you moving away really fucking sucks. For all of us. Still, if this is what you both want, you should go for it. You obviously love one another.”

“Was it really that obvious all this time?”

Stan nodded and shrugged, thumbing absently at the eyelets in Richie’s Chucks. 

“I’ve been keeping this shit bottled up for years, Stanley. I didn’t think he’d ever... not like that. Never in a million years. But, like, ever since my dick started getting hard it’s only been hard for him.”

“God, you’re so romantic, how could he resist?” Stan sneered and rolled his eyes. “Come on, Richie, you know it’s not all about your dick. Everyone knows how much you adore that kid. He loves you back just as much... You’re just too up your own ass all the time to see it.”

They sat there quietly, Richie contemplating what a goddamn jackass he was and the fact that Stan had just said Eddie loved him until Stan sat forward and put Richie’s feet on the floor. 

“Chop, chop, my good man,” Stan said, clapping his hands together and doing a bad imitation of Richie’s bad British accent. “It’s getting late and you’ve got porn to study! Hurry up!”

Stan guided Richie to the office chair and sat him down, turning the seat so he was facing the monitor. There was a window up with a video titled “TWINKS 1ST TIME” all queued up and ready to go. 

Richie wanted to throw himself out of the second story window but he settled for burying his face in his hands. 

“I’ll give you some privacy.” Stan could sound so… clinical. “There’s a few articles pulled up that give step-by-step stuff, too, like how to make everything, like, fit, or whatever. There are a couple other videos that should all be done loading here soon, too. I’m going to go downstairs and start on my calculus, you have twenty minutes.”

He slid a box of Kleenex across the desk toward Richie. 

“Oh, come on, dude! I’m not gonna do that in here!

“Just in case!” Stan said, hands raised, as he walked toward the door. He grumbled to himself on the way out. “I’ll probably regret this, you two assholes are just gonna be a whole new kind of annoying now.”

~~~

**Chapter 7 ~ October 2019**

It wasn’t a short or particularly easy walk to the barrens and it made Richie acutely aware of just how long it had been since the two of them were zipping across town on their bikes. They didn’t bother with much in the way of small talk, though they both complained some about how old they seemed to have gotten. They were both breathless and sweaty by the time they reached the shadow-dappled light of the woods that ran along the Kenduskeag.

Mercifully, their old paths through the woods hadn’t all completely grown over but it was clear as they neared the spot where their underground clubhouse had been that it was all but lost to time.

“Well that really fucking sucks,” Eddie huffed as he stared down into the caved in pit that used to be The Losers’ sanctuary. 

It seemed so much smaller and shallower than Richie remembered. They’d spent so many hours in the clubhouse Ben had built, it was truly painful seeing it in ruins. 

“Damn,” Richie echoed, wishing he’d at least asked Mike if he’d ever checked in on their old hideout. “The last time we were here was…” his words trailed off, the lump in his throat was getting almost too big to choke back.

Without a word, Eddie started walking deeper into the woods, pulling off his dress shirt and letting it trail behind him in the leaves. When he looked back over his shoulder, all Richie could see was that sharp little fox face that had driven him crazy when they were kids.

Fuck. This was even harder than he could have imagined.

“Richie Tozier, always rushing to catch up,” Eddie snipped once Richie jogged into place beside him. Richie tried to find some snark to shoot back but the thought fizzled as he saw where Eddie was heading.

An impressive oak tree’s canopy shaded the rocky, acorn-strewn glade and a series of fallen logs had created an accidental semi-circle along the side of the clearing that sloped gently down toward the river. The site was familiar even though it seemed smaller to Richie now. It could have been considered the clubhouse backyard and made a handy place for campouts and the odd fire pit.

The oak’s leaves were still a soft green, just starting to go brown around the edges, while those in the surrounding woods had started their colorful transformation into confetti hues of gold, red, and orange. Eddie inspected one of the felled logs whose bark had entirely sloughed off. Richie couldn’t help but smile as he watched Eddie dust it off with his hand before sitting down.

“You’re a lot quieter than I remember,” Eddie said as he bent over to loosen the laces on his shoes. Rich joined Eddie on the log, sitting a few polite feet away. He pulled the pack of smokes out of his pocket, flipping it over in his hand a few times before digging in his other pocket for the lighter.

“Well, Eduardo, these days I make people pay me to run my mouth so…You, uh, mind if I?” He held the pack of Camels up and shrugged.

“Yeah, sure, man. Whatever.”

“Sorry, being back has been murder on my nerves.” Richie was sorry but he also had no idea what to do or say so at that point it was either smoke a few butts and try not to make too much of an ass of himself or curl up into a ball on the forest floor and play dead.

For a moment, Eddie looked like he was about to give Rich a lecture about lung cancer but instead he just rubbed his hands together and blew into them a few times, quick huffs of breath like he was warming up his fingers despite the gorgeous weather. Richie lit up a cigarette, watching Eddie quizzically and then it dawned on him. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, Eds,” he said, getting up and waving his arm to make the smoke dissipate before putting a little more space between them. “You should have told me to fuck off with the cigarette. I forgot about your asthma.” 

“No, it’s fine. I don’t even really need the inhaler anymore, Rich. It was more of a crutch than anything really. This is all just… I’m…”

“Yeah,” Richie said before sucking in a lung-full of acrid smoke. “I lost my mom in 2014. Cancer.” The irony wasn’t lost on him but he took another drag anyway.

Eddie’s mouth tightened into a straight line and he nodded, his eyes on the forest floor as he rubbed his hands on the thighs of his pants.

“Sorry for your loss, Rich.”

“Thanks. We weren’t really close. She never got me, you know? I think she always assumed I’d just... grow out of it.”

“Grow out of your personality?”

“I mean… yeah? Did I ever tell you they tried to have another kid after we moved? Guess she always wanted a girl. They found the cancer right after. She beat it, was in remission for a long time but eventually it won. Dad moved to Florida, got remarried. She’s my age. So anyway, I’m in therapy.”

Eddie laughed, just a short, sharp chuckle but it was enough to make Richie’s face split in a grin. Nothing was ever as good as givin’ his Eddie Spaghetti a few good chucks.

“Well, if you could get me a referral that’d be swell, Richie. Right now I can’t really see how I’m gonna get through all this without some help.”

“Eds?” Richie flicked his butt into the dirt and snuffed the cherry out with a twist of his foot.

“I don’t have anyone, Rich. I’ve gotta get back to the city, keep my fuckin’ business afloat. But, like, I can’t sleep and then when I finally do I can’t seem to wake up. My whole fuckin’ life seems like a bad goddamn dream at the moment.”

Richie picked Eddie’s dress shirt up from where it was draped over the log next to him and sat down in its place, their bodies close enough to touch.

“What about Myra?”

Richie closed his eyes, cringing a little. He only knew about Myra because of Mike and it felt like some weird kind of violation to even say her name. Unfounded jealousy was a hell of a drug.

“We broke it off a few years back. Surprised Mikey didn’t tell you.”

“I don’t like to pry…”

“Ma hated her. Think that’s part of why I tried to make it work as long as I did though, honestly.”

Richie smiled at the idea of Eddie sticking it to his overbearing mother. Richie always half suspected that was at least one of the reasons Eddie liked Richie as much as he did, too.

“So you didn’t get married?”

“Nah. It’s better this way. Her dad owns the limo company I worked for all those years. She runs it now. She’s happy. Hates my guts but, whatever. Her dad was a good guy, taught me everything I needed to start out on my own.”

“You have a limo company?”

“Global Security Concepts. Security, loss prevention, VIP services.”

“Wait, wait, wait, you do security for celebrities?”

“Executive protection services,” Eddie insisted. “It’s not like I’m a bodyguard. Have you met me?”

“You know, I’m practically a celebrity. They send a limo to get me from the airport and everything. Maybe I need some executive protection.” Richie stopped short of waggling his eyebrows.

“You know, Myra couldn’t get enough of you. She must’ve watched that episode of SNL you hosted about a dozen times. She always wondered why I wouldn’t watch your stuff with her. I played it up like I thought you were a talentless hack but I would really just watch after she’d gone to bed. Didn’t want her to see me like that, I guess.”

“Aww, Eds, does this mean you don’t think I’m a talentless hack? I’m fucking touched, man.”

“God, why didn’t we stop at the liquor store before coming way the fuck out here?” Eddie said, rolling his eyes. He stood up and ran his hands through the sides of his hair, walking a few feet away into the little clearing.

“You didn’t want her to see you like how…?” Richie asked carefully. 

There was a long silence, the only sounds coming from the birds and bugs in the forest around them. 

“It nearly killed me you know? When you left.”

“What?” Rich suddenly felt like he was seeing everything through a wavy lens.

“I know it’s been a long time but, come on, Richie. I know you remember our last summer together, those last few weeks before you moved? I guess I let myself believe that even if you could pretend none of it ever happened that we’d at least still be friends, stay in touch...”

“Eddie, that’s not fair,” Richie said, wounded despite the truth of Eddie’s words. “I know I didn’t get to come back and visit like I thought and, yeah, I was terrible at calling, but that shit’s a two way street, dude. I didn’t just disappear!” 

It’s a weak pile of excuses but the hurt in Eddie’s face was brutal. His silence felt like a vice around Richie’s heart.

“I didn’t want to go. You know I didn’t. I was a stupid fucking asshole who didn’t tell you what you meant to me until it was too fucking late. I sure as hell didn’t mean to let you slip away. It just… happened.”

Eddie’s fists were balled at his sides and his whole body was tense. For a moment it seemed like he was just going to stare at Richie with those gorgeous, pain-soaked eyes. Then the dam burst.

“You were my first everything, Richie. One of my first real friends. My first real crush. My first kiss. My first lay. My first broken heart. I really tried to understand, you know? I figured maybe it was just easier for you to let it go but do you have any idea what it was like for me after you left? The others treated me like I was broken. I was fucking broken, Rich. I went to a psychologist for a while, like, maybe a year? It got really fucking dark. If it wasn’t for Bill I might have…”

Eddie sat down on the log closest to the broad trunk of the oak, letting his words trail off as he rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his palms over his face. Richie could see Eddie’s back heave under his thin white undershirt as he took deep measured breaths and dipped his head down between his knees. Jesus, he had nearly given Eddie a fucking panic attack.

Richie’s stomach swooped, that festering, black mass of guilt and regret in his guts pulsed and he nearly doubled over, too. He shouldn’t have come. He was just making everything worse for both of them. 

“Sometimes I’m fine, you know?” Eddie said, his head still dipping down, nearly between his knees. “I’ll go a long, long time without thinking about it, about you. I’ll let myself believe I’ve gotten over you but now that you’re here, Richie, I can see… I never got over you. I never got over us. And it fucking hurts, man.”

~~~

**Chapter 8 ~ August 2001**

Richie took a lot longer than twenty minutes to study all of the, uh, ‘research’ Stan had dug up for him but Stan was a good friend and gave Richie his privacy. By the time he finally wandered downstairs near four o’clock, Richie felt like he might actually be able to go through with the sleepover. 

In reality, Richie could only bring himself to watch part of the first video. It was definitely more educational than it was hot for Richie and, frankly, Mr. Uris’s office wasn’t exactly a prime jerk-off location. What was really helpful were the how-to posts Stan had managed to find that seemed tailored to inexperienced guys just like him. He had all but memorized a set of step-by-step instructions on how to have sex if that’s what Eddie wanted. 

Needless to say, Richie was useless at focusing on calculus afterward that but Stan gave him a pass, and a hug, and sent him on his way.

By the time Richie finally got to the Kaspbrak’s, Ms. K was about to leave for her bridge night. 

She sat the boys down at the kitchen table, staring sternly at Richie in particular. She’d never really liked him and the fact she was being sort of nice made Richie especially suspicious. For a moment, Richie’s anxious brain had been so sure she was going to give them ‘THE SEX TALK’ that he was practically giddy when all she did was launch into a mini-lecture about not going out again once she left and how there were definitely no girls or anyone else allowed over.

She gave ‘Eddie Bear’ his customary hug and kiss at the door and warned that it might be past midnight when she got home. She reminded him again not to answer the door for anyone as if he were eight and not less than a month away from turning sixteen.

Once she left things were just… normal. Richie cracked a particularly crude joke about how Sonia was really going to Pittsfield to get laid and they argued about which of the movies Eddie rented from Video Mart they were going to watch.

Eddie started the movie and they sat on the couch side by side eating the leftover roast chicken with carrots and potatoes Ms. K had left warming in the oven for them. Richie mostly just pushed the food around his plate, his stomach in knots. Thirty or so minutes into ‘Almost Famous’ he finally broke down. 

“Jesus Christ, Eds, I’m so nervous.” Richie rubbed his clammy hands on his cargos. “I’ve known you half my life but right now I’m so fucked up I can’t even see straight.”

“It’s okay, Richie,” Eddie said, reaching for the remote and pausing the movie before scooting closer on the couch. “I mean, you definitely don’t have to worry about doing anything straight around me anymore.”

As Eddie dissolved into a ridiculous fit of giggles Richie flopped back into the couch cushions with a groan, covering his face with his hands. 

“I’m serious. I’ve been a wreck all day.”

“Well, stop,” Eddie said, so stern in his tone that Rich moved his left hand a little to peek out at him. “You’re leaving, Richie. Like, really soon. I don’t care about what people think anymore.”

“It’s not that I’m worried about what anyone thinks. Bowers already calls us fags every goddamn chance he gets and I know our friends won’t care.”

“Okay, then what’s the problem?” Eddie half barked at him the way he always did but then his face fell a little and his voice got quieter. “Why… why did you never… say anything, Richie? If you liked me too.”

“I’m scared.” The words came out so quickly, with such certainly, that Richie had to pause to collect himself. That’s what it was. Richie Tozier was terrified. Of rejection, ridicule, the unknown. 

“And I’m an idiot.”

“Richie, you’re not -”

“No, I am. I’ve never felt like this about anyone but you and I wasted so much time trying to hide it… too busy makin’ dumb jokes to see…”

“I like your jokes. Well, mostly.”

Richie reached out and took Eddie’s hand, winding their fingers together like they had the night before on his porch.

“You make me wanna be brave, Eddie. I’m just worried about hurting you or, like, not being able to make you feel good, or whatever, and I’m scared. Of how much I want this. Of how much I want you.”

Richie was a little dizzy about how good it felt to finally say those words, letting all the feelings that had suffocated him for so long out into the light.

Eddie blinked at him for a moment, eyes wide and lips parted, and then he climbed into Richie’s lap, straddling him, holding his face and kissing him with absolutely no hesitation. 

Eddie’s mouth on his felt so perfect that everything else in the universe melted away and it all became Eddie’s lips and tongue and his body slotting in perfectly on top of Richie’s. 

“Brave like that?” Eddie asked, pulling away, a little more heated and breathless than Richie was prepared for. 

“Yeah,” Richie panted, pulling off his glasses and chucking them onto the coffee table next to their abandoned dinner plates. “Just like that.” He reached up with both hands under Eddie’s t-shirt and gripped his waist, just above the hips. He was getting hard fast and his heart raced knowing that Eddie would feel it if he moved even a tiny bit. 

“I’m scared too but I know you’ll take care of me, Richie. Just like you always do.”

Eddie kissed him again and, like he’d read Richie’s mind, he spread his legs wider and dropped down fully onto Richie’s lap. They groaned in concert as their dicks dragged together through their shorts. Eddie’s hips made a jittery circle and the aftershock ran through both their bodies in a trembling wave as they continued to kiss. 

“Take care of you like last night?” Richie asked, feeling a little bold. He grinned as he tugged at Eddie’s hips and rocked up so the underside of his stiffy pressed into the round little curve of Eddie’s ass.

Eddie’s chest collapsed against Richie’s and his head tipped back to give Richie access to the pale, slender line of his neck. Richie lavished it with wet, open-mouthed kisses, and a shudder ran down his spine when the skin of Eddie’s neck prickled with goosebumps.

“Let’s go to my room.”

-<>-

Richie was pretty sure that if Eddie hadn’t led him by the hand, he would have gotten lost, he was so wound up. Hell, without his glasses Richie was halfway blind anyway so it wasn’t too much of an exaggeration.

Eddie had the neatest room of any kid Richie ever met but even without his glasses on Richie could tell the bed was unmade. The desk light in the corner was on but Eddie didn’t turn on the brighter overhead light they normally used if they were doing homework or reading comics or whatever. It gave the room a cool, blue glow and Richie felt somewhat soothed even if his palms were still drenched with nervous sweat.

“Sit down, I’ll be right back,” Eddie said softly as he sort of pushed Richie toward the bed.

Richie did as he was told and sat on the edge of the bed, realizing the sheets were pulled back neatly and there was a towel spread across the middle of the bed. It wasn’t unmade. It was all laid out and ready just for this. As nervous as Richie was, it seemed Eddie was sure about what he wanted.

Richie didn’t know what to do with himself in those brief moments when Eddie was gone but was grateful to have some space to calm down and fish the strip of condoms he’d stolen from the pharmacy out of his cargo shorts’ pocket.

Eddie came back into the room and locked the door behind him.

“Sorry, I didn’t wanna risk her noticing it was missing from the medicine cabinet…” Richie didn’t understand until Eddie pushed the big, white, partially used tube of KY Jelly into Richie’s hand and started pulling off his t-shirt like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Richie blinked down at his hands – lube in one, condoms in the other – and had what felt like an honest-to-god out of body experience. It was really happening.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie asked, pausing with his hands at the band of his pajama pants.

“N-nothing – just… I’ve never, I’m...”

Eddie took the supplies out of Richie’s hands and sat them on the nightstand beside his alarm clock and then held Richie’s face in his hands, pressing a soft, almost chaste kiss to his lips.

“I took half a Valium before you got here. You want me to get you one?”

“No,” Richie said, shaking his head. “You did? I mean, that’s okay…”

It was somehow comforting that Eddie was feeling anxious enough to take something. The kid had an encyclopedic knowledge of pharmaceuticals and Ms. K kept the medicine cabinet well stocked so Richie really shouldn’t have been surprised.

Thing was, Richie wanted this, every second of it, to be as permanently etched into his brain as clearly as it possibly could be. Even the parts that were bound to make him cringe.

Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie and pulled him so he was slotted between Richie’s knees. Richie nuzzled into his bare chest and breathed deep, kissing a line up Eddie’s Dove soap scented sternum. Being this close, feeling Eddie’s skin, Richie couldn't imagine ever not being amazed by this, that he got to have this. In general, Richie wasn’t all that used to getting what he wanted and this want was next level.

“We don’t have to, you know…” Eddie said softly, stroking Richie’s back and petting his hair gently, maybe taking Richie’s nerves as doubt.

“I know, Eds, I want to. More than goddamn anything.”

Eddie beamed down at Richie. “It’s really cute you brought condoms. Like, it’s sweet. But I have a latex allergy so we can’t…”

Richie panicked, looking up at Eddie through his messy bangs.

“It’s okay, Richie,” Eddie chuckled, “I just meant we can’t use them. We don’t need to. We’re both virgins and it’s not like you’re gonna get me pregnant, so...”

“Right…” Richie gulped. “So, I guess that means you, uh, you want me to…” 

“Right.” Eddie’s precious little smile made Richie’s heart kick over like a hot rod engine in his chest.

Eddie ‘Germaphobe’ Kaspbrak wanted Richie to fuck him bare.

Richie was so fucking hard that he was glad to still be mostly dressed or else he was sure he’d lose it just as fast as he had the night before.

Eddie dipped down to kiss him again, Richie’s hands smoothing over his shoulders and back before sliding down to caress his round little butt. Richie massaged at it through Eddie’s threadbare PJ pants and could tell he wasn’t wearing any underwear. Cute, cute, cute. The thought of Eddie getting his room ready, pulling the sheets back, getting the lighting right. Eddie getting himself ready, showering, cleaning himself inside and out the way Richie had read about online. It was enough to make Richie delirious.

Richie let Eddie coax him out of his t-shirt and then began kissing up the length of Eddie’s torso, lips and tongue and teeth on his skin, on his nipples, making him whimper and squirm in Richie’s arms. Richie could tell he was making Eddie just as hard, his dick was rutting up against Richie’s abdomen, leaking through his pants.

“Need to fuckin’ taste you,” Richie husked, turning Eddie and guiding him back to lay down on the bed.

Richie tugged Eddie’s pants down to mid-thigh with a quick yank and climbed on top of him, licking deep into his mouth as he got his hand around Eddie’s stiffy and started to slowly stroke. Richie licked and sucked a messy wet trail down the side of Eddie’s neck, the center of his sternum, dipping into his belly button briefly before taking Eddie into his mouth.

Eddie’s hands sunk into Richie’s mop of waves and he whimpered as he gushed sea-salt slick over Richie’s tongue. Richie groaned, taking him deeper, toeing off his shoes and getting his legs under him as best he could even though he was half-on, half-off Eddie’s bed at a ridiculous angle. It was a wet, graceless mess but Richie did his best to set a rhythm and keep his teeth in check. Eddie clung to his head and shoulders, his right leg hooked up over Rich’s side as his hips rocked up into the suction of Richie’s mouth.

It didn’t take long and when Eddie did come, Richie was ready for it. Eddie tried to warn him, pushing at Richie’s shoulders as his hips began to stutter, but Richie wasn’t about to let a single fucking drop go to waste. He just hummed happily and kept a firm grip on Eddie’s hips, gulping him down greedily as he came. His mouth was still glazed with it when Eddie hauled him up and shoved his tongue into Richie’s mouth with an obscene groan.

Richie was still half-dressed when he came in his shorts, right in the middle of pushing half of Eddie’s load back into his mouth with his tongue. They kept kissing until there was nothing but spit and ragged breaths left and Richie’s own load was a congealing mess in his boxers.

“I take back every bad thing I ever said about your mouth,” Eddie said, his voice a dreamy, breathless wreck. 

Richie expected his hand to recoil when Eddie’s slender fingers slipped into the band of his shorts and into the deposit he’d just made. Instead, Eddie whined and shoved his hand in even deeper, giving Richie’s soft dick a few messy, but welcome tugs.

“Should’a let me help,” the pout in Eddie’s voice was astounding.

“Next time…” Richie said. Eddie’s hand already had him mostly hard again. 

Richie got up and stripped out of his shorts and boxers and then climbed back onto the bed, kneeling between Eddie’s spread thighs. 

Eddie had the lube in his hands and was squirting a thick line of it onto his fingers.

“Here,” Eddie said as he pushed the still-open tube toward Richie until he took it. Eddie glanced up at Richie, a pink flush high on his cheeks as he reached down and rubbed the thick, clear gel over his hole and then pushed inside. 

All Richie could manage to do for what felt like an eternity was watch, mouth slightly agape, as Eddie fucked himself. There was so much focus on his sweet face as he alternated between his slender index and middle fingers and middle and ring fingers. 

“Come on, you too,” Eddie panted, looking up at Richie through his lashes. “Get your fingers wet.”

Richie mumbled an apology, fumbling with the tube a little before managing to get a thick bead of the stuff out onto his own fingers, just like Eddie’s had. For a moment Richie wasn’t sure what to do next and then Eddie grabbed his wrist, pulling Richie’s hand down to take the place of his own. 

Eddie’s fingers slipped out and even with his blurry vision Richie could see how shiny and bright pink Eddie’s hole was in the low light. Richie’s digits slipped inside easily and the feeling of Eddie’s body so hot and wet around his fingers made Richie’s eyes roll back in his head. 

Eddie’s slicked up hand gripped Richie’s cock, stroking it up and down slowly to coat it in the KY. It twitched and blurted out slick as Richie bit his lip, thankful Eddie had been thoughtful enough to lay the towel down. He was making a fucking mess.

“More,” Eddie gasped, “another one, Richie.”

Eddie’s grip was still tight on Richie’s wrist, practically fucking himself with Richie’s hand. 

“Yeah, okay,” Richie muttered, nodding as he pulled back and pushed his ring finger in alongside the others. Eddie whimpered and flopped back against the bed, losing his grip on Richie’s dick in the process. 

“Y-you okay?” Richie asked, pausing with three fingers in Eddie to the second knuckle. 

Eddie nodded, “Don’t stop, ‘s good, just keep -“ Eddie rocked his hips, pushing Richie’s fingers deeper, a groan punctuating his sentence. 

“Yeah, yeah, I got you, baby.” Richie knew he had to get Eddie wet and open if there was any chance of it being good for him, he took a deep breath and reached for the KY again.

He pulled his fingers out and squirted another thick glob out directly onto Eddie’s open asshole, pushing all three fingers back in deep, making Eddie shudder and groan. Richie put more lube on the tip of his dick and worked it around, coating the head and slicking his whole shaft with it. 

He could feel Eddie getting looser for him, he was able to make the fucking Boy Scouts’ salute without Eddie’s face scrunching up by then. He looked down at his dick and still felt skeptical it could fit without hurting. 

Eddie was hard again too, though, and he was stroking himself as Richie’s hand moved inside him. It wasn’t long before he looked up at met Richie’s eyes, asking for what he wanted. 

“Richie, please?”

Richie nodded, taking a deep, shaky breath as he slid his fingers out and took his dick in hand. 

“You gotta tell me if hurts and I’ll stop.”

Eddie nodded, chewing his bottom lip and holding his legs apart.

Richie kissed Eddies again as he nosed the tip of his dick up to his entrance. It felt so fucking small despite how slicked and soft it had been when his fingers pulled out.

“Just go slow,” Eddie said, “I’m ready, I want it.”

“I will. Breathe for me.” For some reason that was the only shit Richie could manage to remember from the research, relax, breathe, slow…

Everything was so goddamn slippery that it was honestly difficult to get started. Richie’s shaking hand lost its grip on the head of his dick and he was struggling to stay fully hard because his heart was beating so fucking fast. He felt like he had a fever, the shakes, cold sweat, the whole thing, but Eddie was there reassuring him, telling him it was okay, that it didn’t hurt, that he wanted it, and finally, finally, Rich pushed inside.

Eddie whimpered and it didn’t sound like a good whimper, Richie froze, wanted to pull back, but Eddie had a leg hooked over Richie’s hip and both hands gripped his upper arms like a vice. 

“Don’t stop, don’t stop,” Eddie whined. His eyes were squeezed shut and his face was twisted up in pain but Richie kept going, as slowly as he could until he had to move his hand and use both arms to hold himself steady. 

Eddie was so tight around him it almost hurt, he could feel the tension racking Eddie’s body. Richie took a deep breath, amazed at his sudden clarity of thought, and pressed a series of soft kisses along the side of Eddie’s face. 

“Breathe, Eds, breathe and push out. Push out like you gotta go -”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it, Rich,” Eddie said through gritted teeth, turning his face toward the wall and sucking in a deep, shuddery breath.

“We can stop, it’s okay -”

“Don’t you dare. ‘S just… a lot…”

Richie had to pull back a little, sitting back enough to get his hand around his shaft again. Eddie gasped at the movement and clung to Richie’s back, rocking his hips like he was chasing Richie’s dick. It made Richie shudder, in a good way, and he could feel some of the tension smooth out, Eddie’s body getting more and more receptive as they made these minimal movements. 

“Feeling better?” Richie asked, sliding his palm up over Eddie’s dick. It twitched and swelled some under Richie’s touch.

“Yeah, yeah. Come on.” Eddie’s hands slipped down over Richie’s hips, coaxing him to move, to fuck him.

It was slow, it was intense, and it was like nothing Richie could have ever imagined. 

Once he finally bottomed out, his hips flush with Eddie’s ass, Richie was so overcome with emotion and sensation that he felt like he might faint. The pulsing, velvet heat of Eddie’s insides seemed to throb in time with a deep, aching need in Richie’s core. It made his hips shake with the need to thrust, his balls wanted to unload, but consciously all Richie wanted to do was hold Eddie close and sob. 

He kissed Eddie, letting his hips rock but keeping his knees locked and firmly planted on either side of Eddie so he couldn’t get too much leverage yet. 

They were both gasping and clinging to one another, foreheads pressed together, so fucking wet where they were connected. Rich could feel Eddie unwinding, his breathless yelps at each slap of Richie’s hips, his fingers desperate on Richie’s skin. Eddie was vibrating under him, he was coming apart. 

It was like the roller coaster had finally reached the top of the peak, the desperate urgency of the upcoming plummet overtook both of them, like they were pushing and pulling one another rapidly toward the edge. 

“Don’t stop, Richie. Fuck, it feels good,” Eddie sobbed, “fuck you’re so big, but it’s so fucking good.”

Richie couldn’t have stopped the deep, firm grind of his hips if he’d wanted after that. Eddie was losing it under him, around him, and there was nothing Richie could do but fuck him right through it. 

Richie suddenly couldn’t get deep enough, couldn’t pound hard enough. He was shoving Eddie up the bed with the force of his thrusts and felt Eddie shoot off between them as he hooked his right arm under Eddie’s knee to angle himself deeper. 

Richie came with Eddie’s fingernails digging red half moons into Richie’s upper arms, Eddie completely open, soft, and wet around him when Richie finally lost it deep in his guts.

The details all bled together after that, Richie so blissed out that he might as well have taken the Valium. He didn’t fully remember pulling out, laying down next to Eddie, pulling him into his arms and kissing him until they both started dozing. 

When Richie blinked awake with a start Eddie had a leg draped over Richie’s hip, foot trailing between his knees, and he was slowly fingering himself with Richie’s come inside him.

“Holy fuck, you’re gonna get me hard again doin’ that.” Richie shook his head in disbelief. “What time is it?”

“It’s only ten,” Eddie chuckled. They had hours yet. “I don’t want you to sleep on the pull out cot. Just sleep in the bed with me.”

“But what if your mom checks in on us when she gets back?”

“Just put your shirt on, I don’t care if she sees us. I told her you were leaving. She’ll think it’s sweet.”

~~~

**Chapter 9 ~ October 2019**

“Can I get one of those, Rich?”

Richie was lighting up again under the weight of Eddie’s confession, one of those on-again, off-again vices from back in the day that he never fully left behind. Eddie never smoked when they were younger, his lungs could never take it.

“Your asthma, Eds…”

“Dude, I’m fine. It’s psychosomatic, stress induced.”

“Well, you seem pretty stressed at the moment, man,” Rich said even as he walked closer and handed the already dwindling pack of cigarettes and lighter over to Eddie. Richie watched as Eddie pulled one out and lit it, a big bubble of self-loathing welling up from the pit of his stomach as Eddie did his best not to hock up a whole lung after taking his first puff.

“I’m real fuckin’ sorry, Eddie. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you, not back then and not now. I shouldn’t have come. I didn’t mean to make everything worse.”

“I meant it when I said it was good to see you,” Eddie said, cutting Richie off and squinting at him through the smoke. “Wish you’d decided to show up a whole lot sooner but I’m not mad that you’re here now. It’s just bringing back a lot of memories, opening a lot of old wounds.”

Richie’s fingers lingered on Eddie’s as he took the smokes back. He shuffled on his feet a little before finding his resolve to sit down next to Eddie again.

“What are you doing here though, Richie? I appreciate the condolences, I really do, but like, you could’ve called.”

Or texted. Or emailed. Or written a letter. Probably just not falling off the face of the fucking earth would have been sufficient.

That was it, though, the million dollar question. Why was he here? Richie wasn’t sure he knew the answer.

“Midlife crisis?” He finally croaks, wishing it didn’t sound as raw and honest as it did. Even so, they both laughed, their chuckles weaving up through the tendrils of cigarette smoke like vines, slowly dissipating into the early fall air, leaving only the truth behind. It sat like a concrete block on Richie’s chest.

There was a long, thoughtful silence then as Richie smoked his cigarette and rubbed his hand over his face. He stubbed the butt out in the dirt and noticed that Eddie had let the cherry of his smoke burn out, the mostly unsmoked cigarette dangling from his fingers forgotten.

Richie sighed, steeled himself, and it all just tumbled out, more cohesive than one of his most well-used talk show circuit routines.

“Do you really think I have anyone waiting for me back in LA, Eds? The fact that any of you fuckers ever put up with me was a miracle in and of itself but Richie Tozier as poorly-adjusted, emotionally-unavailable adult? Not exactly marriage material.

“I’m a stand-up comedian, babe. I travel too much, eat like shit, and drink like my liver isn’t already half-way to shot. My only coping mechanisms are to crack jokes or run away, no matter how much time I spend in therapy. The only serious relationships I’ve had in the past decade are with my agent and my shrink and I have to pay them to even talk to me for more than five minutes.

“I’m a selfish, miserable, lonely asshole who can’t manage to meet anyone I can make any real kind of commitment to and I fucking miss you, Eddie. Not a fucking day passes where I don’t rub my tongue over that wound. I know it’s my own goddamn fault but the pain was too much. I’ve spent the last eighteen years running from how much it fucking hurts. I’m tired of it hurting.”

Richie didn’t even realize the tears were flowing until he blinked some of them onto the lenses of his glasses.

“Shit,” he grumbled, standing up. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes into the crook of his arm. “Sorry. Didn’t mean this to turn into a pity party. Let’s go, huh? I’ll buy you a drink or dinner or somethin’ and then…”

“God, you really are an idiot, Richie,” Eddie said, his hands on Richie’s collar, turning him so their faces were an inch apart. “Would you fuckin’ kiss me already?”

~~~

**Chapter 10 ~ August 2001**

“Richie, just stop! You’re overanalyzing all of this. It’s making my head fucking hurt!”

Bev flicked the butt of her cigarette into the canal and put her hands on either side of Richie’s face, leaning in closer, and looking into his eyes through his fish-eye lenses like she was squinting into a crystal ball.

They were sitting legs crossed, knee to knee, on a concrete slab tucked up under the Main Street Bridge just down the hill from her apartment, finishing the last three smokes from the pack she snaked from her neighbor the day before.

“You love him, right?”

Richie nodded.

“He loves you too.”

Richie could only blink at her, mystified once again at his friends’ uncanny ability to so clearly see things that were nothing but a fuckin’ mystery to Richie.

“So you didn’t fuck anything up by sleeping together. Yeah, you’re leaving and that sucks donkey balls but you’ve gotta stop telling yourself you did something wrong or it’ll turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, the way I see it, you really only have two options. You either decide together that you want to make it work long distance or you spare the kid – and yourself – a whole lotta heartache and break it off as gently as you possibly can before you move.”

“NEVER! BEV OHMYGOD!?”

Richie snaked the crumpled pack of Marlboros from Bev’s back pocket and lit the last smoke. She shrugged and ruffled the front of his hair with the heel of her hand before laying back on the cool concrete, folding her hands under her head.

“Look, Richie, it’s no different than me and Ben. It doesn’t matter that it took forever for us to get it right. We’re together now and that’s what matters.”

“But you and Haystack both get to stay in Derry!”

“Yeah, but nothing is for certain, Richie! What happens after high school? What happens if he gets into some crazy Ivy League school and I go to Art School out in LA or something? The more we waste time worrying about all the ‘what if’s’, the less time we get to just spend being together.”

“We move before school starts. Before Eddie’s birthday…”

“So make these last couple of weeks count, dummy.”

-<>-

“Fuck, you’re good at that,” Eddie panted. 

Richie came up for air wearing nothing but a supremely smug grin, he’d always been a fast learner. He corkscrewed two spit-drenched fingers up Eddie’s well-used asshole to take the place of his aching tongue. 

“My tongue has many talents,” Richie said with a smirk as he licked into Eddie’s mouth, groaning at the way Eddie latched on to suck the taste of his own insides off his tongue. 

No one would ever believe what a filthy little fuck Eddie was in bed. The secret contrariness of it had Richie wrapped around every single one of Eddie’s slender fingers. 

They’d been at it all day, well, really every day since they had first kissed that night in the clubhouse, the night Richie told everyone he was moving half-way across the country. They hadn’t intended their new-found connection to keep them so completely from dealing with the situation but, here they were, their last night together, decidedly not talking. 

Richie’s fingers massaged another aching dribble of an orgasm out of Eddie as they kissed, their skin rippling with goosebumps as a gentle night breeze rolled down the wooded slope toward the river and through the thin nylon walls of Richie’s old A-frame tent. He pulled one end of their zipped-together sleeping bags over them and wrapped himself around Eddie, nuzzling into the side of his neck with a blissed-out hum that made it sound like Richie was the one who just nutted again.

They had started the evening out in the clubhouse but it was an incredibly humid night and the mosquitoes were drawn to the heat of their sticky bodies in the dank, claustrophobic air of their hideout. Sleeping bags and tents in tow, they risked leaving the ratty futon and biting bugs behind and setting up camp out in the open if it meant some relief. As the evening cooled, a soft but persistent breeze proved a decent mosquito repellent. 

Bill, being an incredible friend, had suggested the campout and offered to cover for them, to boot. No one batted an eyelash at the three friends wanting to have a final sleep over in Big Bill’s backyard. They’d done it a dozen times a summer when they were still in elementary school. Bill said he didn’t mind spending the night in the backyard by himself while Richie and Eddie snuck off to the barrens. They’d have done the same for him, after all. 

“Richie, this ground is, like, really fuckin’ hard,” Eddie grumbled, trying to adjust himself under the press of Richie’s body and knocking over the small battery-powered lantern they brought with them from the clubhouse in the process. 

“Well then maybe you should get on top,” Richie said, kissing Eddie again and fixing the lamp. He rolled to his side and onto his back, pulling Eddie with him until his body was draped over Richie’s. They settled in like that, slotting together so perfectly that Richie would have sworn their breathing and heartbeats synched up. 

Eddie took a deep breath and traced his finger along the line of Richie’s collarbone. “Richie…” Eddie’s voice was soft, strained. The tone of it made Richie’s stomach swoop. 

“Yeah, babe?” 

“You’re gonna miss my birthday.” 

Fuck. 

“Yeah, I - I know, Eds.” A tear slips out of the corner of Richie’s eye. “I’m sorry.”

Another breeze rolled through the tent, the leaves rustling sweetly in the air trembling between them. Richie pulled Eddie closer, squeezing him. 

“Do you regret this?” Eddie asked, unable to mask the tremble in his voice. 

“I’m pretty sure I have a mosquito bite on my taint so as far as ideas go the whole campout thing really isn’t my favorite…”

“Shut up,” Eddie said, jabbing Richie with an elbow, “you know that’s not what I meant.”

Richie knew. He’d spent every moment they weren’t together in the past two weeks trying to figure out if he was even going to be able to survive the move. 

“I don’t regret us, Eddie. Not ever. I regret not telling you sooner. I regret every second I spent being scared instead of being with you.”

Eddie shuddered, turning his face against Richie’s chest. 

“Don’t cry, Eds…” Richie was crying too, though, thin streams trickling from the corners of his eyes into his hairline. “I’m gonna come visit. I promise. First chance I get. I’ll get a fuckin’ paper route, I’ll mow lawns.”

“Richie, don’t...”

“Do they even have lawns in the desert? I’ll prune cacti, I don’t care! I’ll save up and I’ll come back on Fall Break and Spring Break and I’ll spend summers here, we just gotta work on your mom, maybe we can -”

“No. Stop making promises there’s no way you can keep!”

“I can’t stop, I won’t. I love you. Fuck this, fuck them, I’ll run away, I’ll -”

“Don’t say shit you can’t take back, Richie!” 

Eddie was sobbing now, his back hitching under Richie’s hands.

-<>-

Tears eventually faded to a restless, chilled sleep and God bless teenage refractory periods to help them take the edge off the pain-filled night. 

They both made promises, they both whispered and moaned their I love you’s, and they both truly meant every word.

But, what’s that saying? Time makes fools of us all? Oh, and distance? She’s a real fucking bitch, fond hearts or not.

Bev told Richie there were two options: make it work long distance or break it off before you move. Turned out there was a third option: the Richie Tozier special. It went more like - move away, wish you were dead, almost flunk out of school, and lose touch with the only person you’ll ever really love because you tell yourself he’s better off without you.

~~~

**Chapter 11 ~ October 2019**

Richie’s hand cradled the back of Eddie’s head as their mouths crashed together. Both groaning into the kiss with a mixture of desperation and relief. Richie felt sixteen again, his hands greedy and unthinking, pulling haphazardly at Eddie’s clothes, trying to get at skin, as they devoured one another’s mouths. 

Eddie’s spit tasted like vanilla Tic Tacs, that lingering hint of sweet licorice and mentholatum was so unmistakably Eddie that Richie practically whimpered. He couldn’t believe this was happening, that he got to have this, again, after all this time. 

Eddie’s hands were far more targeted, cupping Richie through his jeans and stroking him hard in seconds. The breakneck speed of it made Richie sob, his hips bucking involuntarily as Eddie squeezed him possessively in his hot little palm. 

Richie, desperate to return the favor, kept his left hand firm on the back of Eddie’s neck while the fingers of his right hooked into Eddie’s belt loop. He tugged Eddie closer walking a few steps back to brace against the broad trunk of the oak tree. 

“Jesus, Eds,” Richie gasped, finally coming up for air. He stroked Eddie’s face with trembling hands and their eyes met, Eddie’s sparkling up at Rich in the golden light. “Are you sure this is okay?” 

“Yeah, more than okay,” Eddie said emphatically, his tongue darting out to wet his lips before he pressed their mouths back together. 

There was a breeze sifting through the leaves and they rustled like background TV static in the fading, dappled light. Richie settled more firmly back against the oak tree’s trunk, grunting softly as he gathered Eddie close, kissing him deep before letting his hands roam. 

Eddie grinned into the kiss and snaked the hand that wasn’t busy trying to make Rich shoot in his boxers up under Richie’s shirt to trace a cool path up his happy trail, thumbing over each of his stiff nipples before weaving into the generous nest of curls at the center of his chest. 

“Richie, I wanna...”

The words trailed off as Eddie’s mouth traveled down, along the angle of Richie’s jaw, to his throat. He sucked at Richie’s Adam’s apple and thumbed open the buttons on his shirt before sinking to his knees in the leaves. 

Richie groaned, carding both hands through Eddie’s hair as he began to mouth at him through his jeans. 

“Ahh, fuck,” Richie grunted, all logical thought incinerated by the heat of Eddie’s mouth. He let his head tip back against the tree, pawing softly at the back of Eddie’s head with one hand and rucking his undershirt up with the other. He angled his hips forward as Eddie reached up to open his fly. Eddie made quick work of Richie’s zipper, peeling back his jeans and tugging his boxers down over the jut of his hip bones to set Little Richie free. Not that anything about Richie’s cock was little. 

Richie took himself in hand as gazed down at Eddie, thumbing over the head of his dick, spreading slick over the tip as he met Eddie’s eyes. The tips of Eddie’s ears and cheeks were flushed pink and he gulped a little as his lips parted to envelop the tip of Richie’s cock. 

“We don’t have to,” Richie said softly, rubbing Eddie’s shoulder. He didn’t need this. As much as his body wanted it, Richie was content with anything Eddie could give him, even if it only meant holding hands on the long walk back to the house. 

Eddie’s answer was to take Richie down his throat so quickly and completely that Richie nearly passed out. He just gripped Richie’s hips with both hands and throated him, stopping only when his nose was nestled in the dark curls at the base of Richie’s dick. Eddie swallowed around him, wet and thick, and a shocked but appreciative yelp was ripped out of Richie’s throat. 

“Fuck, baby,” Richie groaned, the sounds of his collapse reverberating in the air around them. The muscles in Richie’s thighs shuddered as he tried to hold back. 

Eddie pulled off slowly, staring up at Richie. He sucked at the head and massaged Richie’s slit with his tongue, opening wide to give his tongue room to wiggle slow and wet along the underside of Richie’s cock. He hummed around Richie’s shaft, his hands encouraging Richie to move his hips as Eddie began bobbing up and down. 

Richie hissed as the last shreds of his composure crumbled and he scrambling to find the correct position to hold Eddie’s head and neck in place so Richie could thrust deep into his throat. 

Rich sobbed as he curled down around Eddie, cradling his face and shoulders in an attempt to hold him still. He hunched down over him protectively even as his hips bucked in sharp, short thrusts, popping the fat, flared head of his dick past Eddie’s tonsils. 

“Slow… gotta slow down,” Richie groaned, as if Eddie were the one setting the pace. 

Eddie kept a firm grip on Richie’s hips, managing to breathe through his nose as he let Richie fuck his throat in earnest. 

“So good, Eds,” Richie hummed, “so fucking good.” He used Eddie’s throat, thrusting into it like it was made for him, only the setting and the angle making it possible for him to last longer than a few pumps. 

“I want you to fuck me, Richie,” Eddie blurted, his voice ragged and breathless as he pulled off Richie’s dick. Eddie’s lashes were wet, his mouth puffy red. 

Richie gathered him up into a wholly claiming kiss. He pulled Eddie to his feet, stripped off his undershirt, and turned them, pushing Eddie’s back against the tree. Eddie grunted as his skin made contact with the rough bark but Richie was on him, chasing the sound back into his mouth with his tongue as he unzipped Eddie’s slacks and pushed them down blindly. He shoved Eddie’s boxers down too, stroking his dick with one hand and reaching down to massage at his balls with the other. 

“Spread your legs,” Richie said, sucking the middle and ring fingers of his left hand into his mouth. He got them good and wet, relishing the faint prickle of Eddie’s sweat on his fingers. He kept tugging at Eddie’s shaft with his right hand as he tucked the left between Eddie’s skinny thighs, slippery fingers seeking out his hole. He licked back into Eddie’s mouth as his fingertips made contact, rubbing at his entrance and spreading spit as best he could. Richie didn’t push in yet, pulling his fingers back into his mouth and making several more trips to transfer spit and massage Eddie open. 

The taste of Eddie’s ass on his tongue and the way Eddie let Richie push that same tongue back into his mouth again and again made Richie delirious. He lavished kisses on Eddie’s chest and neck as he felt that snug little hole give and stretch for his patient fingers. Once inside, he scissored back and forth and curled them forward until Eddie was crying out, begging Richie for more. 

Richie sank to his knees, taking Eddie’s cock deep and corkscrewing his fingers in and out of Eddie’s hole to loosen him up. He bobbed up and down as he rubbed at Eddie’s prostate, his own dick forgotten and leaking onto the bed of leaves and soil beneath them. 

“Turn around,” Richie gasped, fingers slipping out as he took Eddie’s hips in his hands and guided him to face the tree. Eddie moved without much urging, his pants and boxers puddled around his ankles as he turned and braced himself against the oak. 

Richie scooted back a little, pulling Eddie’s hips with him until the angle was better. He buried his face between Eddie’s cheeks and tongued into his hole with a groan, reaching down between his own legs to put a vice grip on the base of his dick so he didn’t come. Richie was sure he could finish just like this, moaning for the heady taste of Eddie’s ass, for the desperate clutch of his hole around his tongue. 

“Holy fuck,” Eddie grunted as he rocked back against Richie’s face. 

Richie smirked at the thought of Eddie’s ass leaving smudges on his glasses. 

“Richie, please. Need you in me.”

Richie pulled back, panting, “Eds, baby, I don’t have a condom, I-“

“I don’t care - I don’t, Rich - please... I need it. Need you.”

The desperation in Eddie’s voice was enough. Richie got on his feet, spit into his hand, and smeared it over the already dripping head of his dick. He spread Eddie’s ass cheeks apart with his other hand and thumbed down over his quivering asshole, not thrilled with how tight it still felt but hopeful he’d gotten it wet enough to get inside. 

“Tell me if it’s too much,” he told Eddie before clearing his throat and spitting one more thick glob of spit between his asscheeks. 

Eddie yelled out when Richie pushed inside. His body resisted the press of Richie’s thick head at first, but once it gave, Richie sank deeper fast, Eddie’s insides opening and shuddering around him. 

“Jesus, Rich, FUCK.”

Richie gripped Eddie’s hip with his left hand, the base of his shaft firmly in his right, and held still, taking deep breaths as Eddie whined and rocked his hips, fucking himself on the first few inches of Richie’s dick. He was opening up so well it was hard not to want to push in deeper. 

“You feel so fucking good,” Richie groaned, tossing his head back and spreading his hand out wide over Eddie’s lower back. 

He edged in deeper, Eddie opening more and more with every measured thrust until Richie’s hips pressed against Eddie’s ass cheeks. 

He kissed and nipped at Eddie’s shoulder, lapping at the sheen of sweat now glazing Eddie’s pale skin, reaching around and trailing his fingers up the underside of Eddie’s cock. His erection had flagged taking Richie’s dick but it twitched and started to swell again rapidly, leaking slick over Richie’s hand. 

“Like that, baby?” Richie huffed softly against the side of Eddie’s neck. “Fuck, I wanna feel you come on my cock.”

Eddie whimpered, pushing his hips back against Richie, grinding in slow, jerky little circles as he nodded and gasped wordlessly. 

Richie pulled out a few inches and steadied Eddie’s hip with his hand as he transferred Eddie’s precome onto his shaft. It made the slide back in so smooth that Richie groaned, pausing to relish the feel of Eddie’s snug heat all around him, before he began thrusting in a slow, deep rhythm. 

“Fuck,” Eddie whined, “yeah, like that, just like that. Fuck me, Richie, don’t stop!” 

Eddie sobbed as Richie took him, the years between them melting away as their bodies fell into their pleasure. They moved together so well, communicating wordlessly as Richie felt the tension build. He wanted it to last, wanted to make Eddie lose himself for a while, to come apart for him completely. 

“You gonna come for me, baby?” Richie cooed as as he kissed up the side of Eddie’s neck, tonguing at his ear. 

Eddie cried out and his arms went rigid where they were braced against the tree. He pushed back against Richie’s thrusts, meeting his hips with short, rapid movements of his own, chasing his orgasm. Eddie’s back was slicked with sweat and Richie dragged his hand down his spine before gripping his hips firmly, fucking him hard and deep. 

Eddie came with a shout, untouched, his entire body tensing with a rolling shutter that gave Richie goosebumps. Richie fucked Eddie through it, knowing if he stopped thrusting that Eddie’s inside would lock him in tight and he’d join Eddie in coming on the spot. 

Richie wanted to last just a little longer, wanted to feel the past and present rush over him as he relished the moments before reality came crashing back down around them. He gathered Eddie up against him so they were pressed together back to chest, one hand spread wide over Eddie’s chest, the other slowly stroking Eddie’s cock as it softened, still dribbling over Richie’s knuckles. 

“Fuck, I’m so close,” Richie huffed against the back of Eddie’s neck, “gonna load you up like I used to, Eds.”

Eddie writhed against Richie, arching and reaching back to grip at Richie’s hips. The bite of Eddie’s nails against his skin felt like a spark lighting the fuse of Richie’s orgasm. It raced over his skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake, surging electric from balls and pumping out his dick where he was buried deep in Eddie’s guts. 

Richie let go of Eddie’s hip to brace against the tree but he was so drunk with it all he wasn’t sure how they managed to stay upright. Richie just wrapped himself around Eddie, his face pressed against the back of Eddie’s neck as he came down, slowly softening and being pushed out of Eddie’s body. 

Richie wanted to sink to his knees again and give Eddie a tongue bath he’d never forget but it felt as if his heart was swelling in his chest, like there was a big balloon of feeling inside him that would explode if he didn’t let it out. 

“Eddie, I - ” 

“Shh, Richie, don’t ruin it,” Eddie sighed, his hand reaching back to caress the side of Richie’s face. 

“Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“I just mean, I know we have a lot to talk about but right now I just… You got a room for the night?” Eddie sounded soul tired but soft, almost dreamy. 

“Yeah, for the rest of the weekend. You, uh, saying you wanna have a sleepover, Eds?”

“Definitely.”

Eddie reached down and grabbed his boxers and pants, chuckling as he began hauling them up. 

“This wasn’t the best idea we’ve ever had…” he said, his face scrunching up as he turned to face Richie. 

“Slightly better than the mosquitoes but, yeah. Sorry.” 

Richie shrugged out of his button up and yanked his undershirt off over his head. 

“Here, so you can clean up…”

Eddie took the shirt with a grateful if sheepish grin and pushed up on his toes to kiss Richie, long and deep, making it clear that he didn’t really care, despite the amount of complaining that was about to ensue on their walk back. 

~~~

**Epilogue ~ September 7, 2020**

“Here’s to old friends and new beginnings,” Bill’s voice rang out strong and clear above the din filling Jade of the Orient’s private party room. “I couldn’t be happier to be here in support of these two incredible men and I’m so glad to have them back in my life. Cheers, Eddie and Richie!”

Richie’s heart swelled looking across the table at their friends, both old and new, and he reached out and squeezed Eddie’s hand as he stood up to follow Bill in his own toast. 

“Happy Birthday, Eddie,” Richie said, raising his glass. “I know I missed a lot of birthdays, too many, so I hope this year is one to remember.” Richie bent down and kissed his fiancé before continuing. “Thank you all so much for making the trip back to this shithole to celebrate our engagement!” Good-natured laughter rippled across the room. “In all seriousness though, thank you all for your love, friendship and understanding. Here’s to spending the next twenty years without my head up my own ass! Eddie, I don’t deserve you, the world doesn’t deserve you, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to give it all to you on a platter anyway, Eds.”

Laughter and applause filled the room.

Bill and Mike and Ben and Bev and Stan and Eddie. Eddie. His Eddie Spaghetti, the cutest kid he’d ever seen, looking up at Richie now with those beautiful, brown puppy-dog eyes that were filled with so much love and joy it nearly took Richie’s breath away.

Richie’s tears started to flow as he silently thanked the universe for his second chance at happiness. 

~~~


End file.
